During those trying times, when we look up to God from the middle of that painful circumstance, when we were struggling with the difficulties we had each day, we wrestled with the understanding of Him and His purpose. We wanted to know why He allowed us to go through breaking through such unexpected unpleasant events.
We had to survive each day as my husband had to meet the demands of the ministry. It was tough for a new mom like me who couldn’t walk and move normally and be left at home all day with a strong healthy boy. I was in a wheel chair we rented. My husband had to fulfill his duties in the ministry daily and took care of us when he gets home at night. At that time, God seemed silent and away. His silence made me angry and bitter. I blamed God for all these things that happened. We questioned him for every bit of disappointment.
For months, we went through the daily ordeal of survival. Everything went unstable. On the bright side, we had special trusted friends who occasionally dropped by to visit and cooked for us and help us with Nate.
My lower extremities gradually regained strength as my I felt my affected joints healing. We continued to live by faith and as we yielded to Him, we saw changes that came from within us. We started appreciating His silence. He remained faithful and true. In His silence, He was building our character, our core, the presence and reign of His Spirit within us. This melted away the frustrations and replaced every bit of anger with hope and forgiveness. I was able to track down the doctor who was transferred to a prestigious private university hospital and I told him what I felt. A month after my husband took me to see the doctor and we forgave him. It was painful for me. I told myself, If only he listened to my requests and monthly complaints, all these would have been prevented. But then again, there was the mercy of God and His Sovereignty melting every bit of anger from my heart.
HEALING AND MOLDING
Days passed by… months of healing, my body particularly my lower extremities were wasting too much that my health seemed to be failing me. No operation was done to help the joint fuse back together. I still had on me the girdle-like binder which was really impeding circulation and gave me bruises due to its metal plate in the center. I was scared to take it off. I however can now transfer myself from the wheelchair to the chair or couch.
A letter came. It was from my best friend Yhette. (I had tons of BFF by the way and we called ourselves JANTMCBELS). The letter was very comforting and what caught my surprise was the verse that powerfully spoke to my spirit and affirmed by the 3 flower petals that looked liked that of the sakura or cherry blossoms’.
My heart was racing and my faith was calling and speaking out loudly to my body. I remembered what my husband told me when I was still in the hospital and so down.
I believe that was the day God already showed us He was there all along. A nice Japanese nurse washed my hair, and later took me through the corridors and see cherry blossoms coming out beautifully from seemingly withered branches. She told me to be happy and have hope. I was bursting in tears within me. I did not want anyone to see me cry but tears just came flowing down my pale cheeks. When she brought me back to the room, my husband saw the beauty of the flowers and shared to me what God has promised him. Just as Spring fully comes, when the flowers fully bloom, I will have my healing.
With the letter on my hand, I looked down my feet and saw them all red and felt pins and needles. I stood up and walk to my husband and claim my healing.
From then on, my faith was lifted up from the confining chair. Giving up the binder was the next step.
We went home to Philippines to rest and recover. Amazingly, God took the binder away and replaced it with courage and assurance of God’s healing touch. A wonderful provision came. I was seen by the best Orthopedic Surgeon in the country and he told me to let go of the binder. He said I was in perfect condition and on my way to full recovery. I just had to go through physical therapy, rehab, and proper nutrition. We stayed there for a month and there I also found out that the hormones that I took for many months caused softening of my joints as an adverse effect and considering the fetal growth, I should have had a CS. I somehow knew this and told the lawyer who wanted to help us fight a case. We had no proof back in Japan and winning cases was impossible. That was what we were told. Well, I was able to walk and enjoy life. That was what mattered.
GOD SENT ANSWERS
God was gracious enough to send us a very sweet Christian Ob-Gynecologist, fully gifted with the Spirit’s wisdom to reveal to us the mystery of His grace through what we experienced. She, was in tears when she declared such miracle – that no tearing and hemorrhage ever happened inside the uterus, after having a forced delivery with an 8.5 cm dilation.(normal is 10cm). It was God who knew the right timing to save Nate from such danger when his heart was beating way, way down its strength. God was there in that room where we needed rescue. He was in full control. It was He who moved the womb and made way to save our son’s life-even from meconium stain ( he already let out his first stool when he came out). Then, he saved me. God is indeed Almighty Savior and Healer.
Then came a year and two of recovering…. we came to realize God was there all along. He had to teach us the sacrifice of praise and the joy in His triumph over death and sin. God was true in His Word. The true healing was from the resurrection power of Jesus Christ.
Isaiah 41:10 became crystal clear as we experienced brokenness in the grace of His righteous right hand.. ”So do not fear for I am with you. Do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
- God Keeps Your Tears in a Bottle (brokenbelievers.com)
- SPIRITUAL JUMP-STARTS: Stories of God Showing Up in People’s Lives (daretoloveagain.wordpress.com)
- Strengthen Your Faith In God, Not Things (prhayz.wordpress.com)
- Walk by Faith. (parable2011.wordpress.com)